Red Bull

Do you want a drink thats gonna quench your thirst or do you wanna drink thats gonna give you the ability to punch through the pentagons interior and enable you to get shot with a nuclear weapon at point blank range? That seems to be the question these days with all these energy drinks. Some people think they taste like piss...and if so whos piss? Some people strive on these things, they think the doctor has actually wrote them a prescription for them and if they dont take them their Crabs/depression will come back. Personally, I think they are a waste of money. They make me incredibly, bored. They dont work on me. Sure, they are tasty (EW) and cost more than Gas or Platinum coated Diamonds (BLING) but I think they are a waste of space in your most robbed local gas station. These Companys actually think that by giving these things a Hyped up name that they are gonna produce "SPARTAN" like actions resulting from drinking them. Red Bull, Amp, VAULT..Etc....Boring names...If I had a drink id call it "BOOM, SUGAR" or even " Blood stained Lightning Death Ball" something subtle ya know...Its kinda sad when some doctors even say that eating an apple will give you more energy than one of those drinks...and not cause the whole "COMING DOWN" feeling. Thats sad, A little apple, just a cute little red apple, plump and cozy in the fruit bowl is more of a kick ass "chuck norris" if you will than your "SLAMMER JAMMER HEART ATTACK FIZZERCATION". Basically all im saying is energy drinks.....Bore me. I wish I liked apples. Im just saying.

Adult dating sites.

I know youve all been to that site that has a freaking million pictures of these hot babes and under each one it has thier name (LUSHUSLADY761) and where theyre from (SEXYLAND)...And if you say you havent...your either telling a tattle or just havent had the opportunity..i recommend you do for comic value. Basically these sites are like dating sites...except you arent really dating your FORNICATING...its kinda a mixture really, I shall call these sites Forni-dating sites. People put alot of trust into these sites. Guys, Girls, Guys that used to be girls, Girls that arent yet girls but arent a man, The whole Kaboodle log in daily to link up with people for sex. I dont trust this whole Idea....Sure Tammy looks good in the picture and she promises in every e-mail that shes gonna do me right..but how do i know that "do me right" doesnt mean tie me up from a tree and stab me to death with a rusty swiss army knife while her demented followers parade around my body summoning rain/demons. It sounds iffy to me people. I really think that if they made each member of these sites put up a HIV/Crab/Herp test officially signed by a STD-ACologist with their phone number and a copy of their college transcript..it would make it seem just a little more comforting. And Hey dont just trust a sexy picture...NO WAY! Pictures lie my friends, you want to have a live video chat and make them run the camera all over their body so can just make sure, also have them show you a valid drivers license...just incase. Now, If your a member of one of these sites...please by all means get your swerve on. If knockin boots is your forte and you are pokin more people than facebook...Stay the course. I just hope..and suggest that when you fall into the trap of an internet predator/predatorette that youve got more protection than a condom. Im just saying.

Snakes as pets.

Some people worship the things...while others have to be admitted to a psych ward because they have night terrors from someone throwing a garden hose on them. Yes, Im talking about snakes. I see them as...well, pointless. They are cool to watch (sometimes) , They are cool looking (sometimes) and they are soooo smart (never). The only remotely intersting thing about a snake is that they can increase the speed of an average human by 10 mph. It is often said in Roman times that olympians would practice their speed techniques by havinh 70 feet long anacondas chase them, And if their speed didnt increase..WHO CARES THEY GOT EATEN (no one needs a gold medal when they are dead). I just made that whole last part up but you get the point. And Hey im not knocking anyone whos an avid snake collector or calling anyone lame for knowing every line in Anaconda Ft. J-Lo...Im just making it a point that snakes when compared to other animals are kinda....Well Obsolete. WAIT A SECOND!!! STOP!! I thought of what snakes are useful for...When captured, the snakes venom can be sucked out to make an "ANTI-VENOM" which in the case you are bit by a venomous snake you can drink of this "ANTI-VENOM" and shall not perish! Ya know what though..Maybe if there were no snakes around no one would get bit and need an anti venom! SO HA! Well this ones been fun, for now ill just stick to my average household pets...An american Bald eagle, 3 Koala bears and Panda/polar bear mix ( hes really something to see). Im just saying.

Bald people.

You know Im a 24 year old male who's genetically proven to go bald. My dads practically bald, his dad was bald, their mom was bald, their aunts cat was balder than an eagle...its just bound to happen. Some say that balding is the worst thing that could ever happen to them..."ITS SO PAINFUL" they say. I look at it like this..if you dont wanna be "BALD" maybe you could take some so called EASY STEPS OUT OF IT! You could rub a special cream on your dome for about 6-12 years and hope to see growth...and if you do see growth you should hope to God you applied it evenly so your hair doesnt come sprouting in patches. Another easy alternative is you could pay a doctor or whatever their "TERM" is $ 10,000 dollars to literally rip all the hair out the back of your head/ neck...then take a razor and slice your head into a labyrinth of bloody sections, and then implant the hair into you skin Via Super glue (or some other bonding method). Those are some common methods in todays science. Oh wait! Theres one more funny one...there is actually a comb you plug in the wall with laser pens in it that beam down onto your fleshy noggin to help stimulate the follicle....Id like to believe in it, but cant. I know i sound so pessimistic about the whole deal, but oh well. I kinda look at it like this...Men dont wanna be bald on purpose, who does? But when you step back and look it at from this scenario that ive come up with ...you might appreciate all that is bald. Who are the ladies all over more...Vin Diesel or Weird Al Yankovic? Ones insanely bald..almost terminally and the other is almost considered a safe haven for Migratory birds...Bald Drives women wild! But what do I know...Im just 24 , still have 7/8ths of my hair left. Ill leave it up to you guys for an opinion on this. Im just saying.

Everywhere else is kinda different.

My friend recently visited Alaska on his honeymoon...While he was showing me some pictures he stopped to tell me this story about a SUBWAY restaurant/whatev. that was in one of the towns. He mentioned that this Subway didnt have the $5 dollar footlongs deal...it instead had a $7 dollar footlongs...but the ironic part really was that the ad still had the familiar hand holding up 5 fingers. Odd eh? This made me think what if Different companys kinda changed thier ads slightly in different locations...Like Mcdonalds in america says Im Lovin' it... but what if one in norways was Im kinda likin it? Or Lets just say Nationwide for example...In america its "NationWide is on your side" ..And What if in France its "Nationwide is on their side". I think if a company is gonna have a freaking Motto or Slogan or deal its should be the same no matter where..it saves time and prevents people like me from making fun of it. What if instead "Just say No to drugs" it were Just say Maybe Later to drugs"? WHAT IF PEOPLE!? I feel like im ranting, but tis the little things i think about and drives me crazy. So...heres to all you eskimos eating up those overpriced subs...You earned that Toasted Cold Cut Combo..May it keep you warm while living in your Igloo. Im just saying.